The Power of Stoicism
How to gain control of your emotions and change your life for the better.
What is Stoicism
Stoicism is an ancient way of life and philosophy for focusing on what is in your control and preventing what isn’t from affecting you. It also teaches you to practise gratitude and to accept all that comes your way however bad it might seem. Three of the most impactful stoics were Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca, influencing many people, including Nelson Mandela.
Control
“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions.” – Epictetus
When it rains it is unexpected and typically an unwanted or bad thing for most people, especially if we get caught in it. However, we don’t get emotional or start crying when it rains because we have learnt to expect it, that it is unavoidable and that it won’t last forever. This same logic can be applied to almost any bad situation.
The key is strengthening what we can control, that being our response to situations, which takes time and practice. Between stimulus and response, there is a space where we can pause and choose our response.
There are many ways of practising and improving your control over emotions and reactions one of which is negative visualisation.
“Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil.” – Marcus Aurelius
This does not mean to give up or not try because things may be difficult but to expect difficulties so that when they come we are prepared and feel more of a sense of control and understanding around the situation. This also means when positive things occur they are much more apparent and can be appreciated naturally. Gratitude is a key aspect of stoicism acknowledging and appreciating all the small details.
It is important not to misunderstand negative visualisation and see it as life is bad, but to expect difficulties so that you can better deal with them and there possibly even come a time where they don’t seem like difficulties anymore.
Take it step by step
We know what it is we need to do the problem is doing it.
“You could be good today. But instead, you choose tomorrow.” – Marcus Aurelius
We often have the information and know what we need to do whether it’s losing weight, being productive, eating healthy. We know how to do it, the problem is we don’t act. Stoicism focuses on the action it is not what you say or what you think but the action. It is important just to take that first step and that small action and day by day you can build it up but you have to act and not just think or say
Discard your anxiety
“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions — not outside.” – Marcus Aurelius
An important step is to recognise your anxiety is not an external force outside of your control. It is not something that is inevitably caused by certain situations. It is a feeling inside you that you can control along with all other emotions and feelings through practice and persistence. It does not come overnight but the more you remind yourself that you don’t have to let this affect you and that you are in control whenever these feelings crop up the stronger your control will become. Recognise that you are not anxious because of the situation but because that’s a response you have developed for the situation that can be changed.
How to deal with people
“Be strict with yourself and tolerant with others” – Marcus Aurelius
The purpose of these practises is for yourself you can not set these standards for other people. You have to leave everyone else and their mistakes out of it and not expect from them what you expect from yourself.
Do not resent others, people will present obstacles for you that might currently affect you whether you get annoyed or retaliate. Stoicism teaches you to see this as an obstacle you can overcome and be good despite other people and whatever they might present. People are a challenge you can rise to overcome and use to become a better person while gaining control over your emotions and temperament. We can’t control what happens but we can control how we respond.
Conclusion
The benefits of stoicism will not come overnight but they are things to remind yourself of when things get tough. The more you remind yourself and try to practise it the more efficient you will become at it. Try telling yourself certain mantras each day or whenever you’re faced with a difficult situation.
- Control what you can control, don’t let what you can’t bring you down.
- It is not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters.
- Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself
- Waste no more time contemplating what a good person should be and be one.
- Accept whatever comes your way whether good or bad and embrace it.
“Don’t be overheard complaining not even to yourself” – Marcus Aurelius
