Neil, Author at Headgym - Page 2 of 5

Neil

Anger

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Anger

Is it okay to be angry?

Emotions

With emotions such as sadness, fear, and anxiety, they are often sympathized with, and the reasons are recognized. When someone is afraid or sad, they even receive compassion and love. However, this isn’t the case with anger.

When someone is angry, the emotion is often demonized and sometimes seen as irrational. Some people, such as Sigmund Freud, believed that things such as depression are unprocessed anger that is redirected towards the self.

What is anger?

It is important to acknowledge that in society, anger is an emotion treated differently. There is often blame associated with anger.

If anger were purely negative and purposeless evolutionarily, it wouldn’t exist. Anger is a response to something. Emotions are a response to information, and anger is a response to some sort of hurt, whether physical or emotional.

How to deal with anger

If you pay attention, your anger has a source, and you should pay attention to where that is. Try not to follow the path of anger but recognize where the feeling is coming from. You may find you feel attacked, disrespected, or ignored.

In this case, many people would ignore or suppress the anger; however, it is important to avoid doing this also. If you do this, the cause is also ignored and therefore not worked on. The root cause will build up subconsciously while the anger is ignored.

So instead of building the anger up and exploding in rage or doing something drastic, slow down and listen to where the anger is coming from. You can assess the cause and response. For example, if you find that you feel you are being unfairly treated at work, there are a number of responses that don’t include suppressing it and manifesting that feeling or exploding in a fit of rage. You could instead listen to that feeling and accept it, then follow an appropriate response for it.

Anger generally causes problems when the cause is ignored and builds up into an often disproportionate displacement on other people or things. A lot of the hurt goes unrecognized and is manifested as anger.

So to deal with anger, start by asking yourself how you’ve been hurt. The solution is not to ignore or avoid feeling emotion but to understand them and control your reaction to them.

How to deal with anger in other people

To deal with other people’s anger, avoid reacting with fear. While ensuring your safety, you should make it clear that their anger response is inappropriate. Perhaps even showing slight compassion, let them know that their response is not okay. In this situation, avoid giving in to fear, your own anger, or submitting to their anger just to de-escalate or get out of the situation. This is important for boundary setting. The more boundaries that are crossed, the worse the anger and behavior will become.

There may be situations where boundaries can’t be set due to an unbalanced power dynamic. However, this boundary setting, along with explanation and understanding of people’s anger, can go further than you think.

Sleep

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Sleep

How sleep affects your mental health, and how to correct your sleep schedule.

Why sleep is important

Almost every single mental illness has a relationship with sleep, either making less/lower quality sleep more likely or being worsened by less/lower quality sleep.

One study found that the emotional response from the amygdala was hyperactive and overreacting by 60% in those who were sleep deprived compared to those who were not.

It was also found that the prefrontal cortex, which controls the amygdala, had a significantly worse connection to the amygdala in those who were sleep deprived.

During sleep, our emotions and experiences throughout the day are processed, which explains why often when you “sleep on something” and come back to it the next day, you have a completely different outlook.

Not only mentally but also physically, we are affected by sleep in so many ways. The large majority of physical illnesses also have significant links to a lack of sleep length and quality. This happens by negatively affecting your immune system, creating toxic proteins in the brain, and also inducing stress within your body.

Improving Sleep Quality

  • Screen time, and more specifically, blue light, will inhibit melatonin production, making it much harder to fall asleep. Ideally, you should avoid screens 2 hours before sleep.
  • Try to get 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days.
  • Go to Sleep and wake up at the same time each day, a regular sleep schedule.
  • Avoid caffeine in the afternoon.
  • Avoid heavy meals before sleeping.
  • A cool room.
  • A consistent bedtime routine, acting as a Pavlov’s dog concept for your body.

All of these things will help improve your sleep quality significantly.

How To fix your sleep schedule

The best way to fix your sleep schedule is to wake up earlier, not go to bed earlier. It is much harder to fall asleep when we are not tired than it is to wake up when we are tired.

There will be an unavoidable few days of tiredness, but eventually, your sleep schedule will adjust, and it will feel natural.

Try setting an alarm and putting it out of reach when you wake up, such as on the other side of the room. You are then forced to get up, making it harder to fall back asleep. If you need to use things like coffee/caffeine to help during the day, it will be useful.

Falling Behind

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Falling Behind

How to catch up if you feel you’ve fallen behind.

Is it too late?

Whether you didn’t get the best grades in school or just generally didn’t seem to find a path as early as those you compare yourself to, it is very easy to feel as if it’s too late, and that you’ve missed the boat.

This is completely false. 

Biologically, in children, there is a phenomenon called catch-up growth. This is where, after a period of growth inhibition, a fairly rapid increase in growth is observed, in order to catch up to where they would be without inhibition. Although this isn’t the same as catching up in society it displays that we are biologically built with the ability to rapidly catch up. There are also studies that show this concept works with neuroplasticity in attachment and behavioural issues. In short it is never too late to catch up and there is no boat you have missed.

Below is a graph from a study, displaying this rapid catch-up in growth with children.

How to Catch up

As we take small steps to improve or catch up, it may seem as if all our attempts are futile. This may be due to the fact that growth is mainly seen in the most difficult or strenuous steps forward. It is usually in the last short and most difficult steps that we find the most growth.

Most people, when attempting growth, will take steps that get them far but not all the way to those last steps of immense growth. This is because alone, it is incredibly difficult to get there.

While it is possible to be done alone, the best way to achieve this last step of exponential growth is to seek help. Whether through psychotherapy, coaching, or other examples less clinical, such as a friend that supports you in an area of your life, just something like an hour a week would prove immensely useful in that last stage where you will begin to see exponential growth. While you probably don’t need help with 90%, that 10% where things are incredibly difficult, some help will make it that bit easier.

What to look out for

Sometimes, our environment can play a large part in what’s holding us back. For example, this could be a friend group that is lazy or ambitionless. The more you are surrounded by them, the more likely you will follow that same path.

Finding environments that support your ambitions or goals is a beneficial step in the right direction.

This includes physical environments too. If you watch Netflix or play video games in the same space where you work, it is going to make it much more difficult. Even if it’s a different desk or room, or at a library or coffee shop, it will provide a very useful shift of mind.

Obstacles

When attempting to catch up, your mind will create many obstacles. This includes statements like ‘It’s not enough’ when you are trying to take steps in the right direction.

This is emotion; your mind will create lots of reasons for you to not take action under the disguise of logic. It is purely your emotions of fear, shame, etc. If you have shame, subconsciously, you believe that even if you try, you will fail.

Your mind acts under the narrative that there is no point in putting in effort if you will fail anyway. It does so under the same logic that you wouldn’t spend thousands on a product worth nothing. Your mind convinces you that you shouldn’t expend so much effort on failure.

To combat this, try to notice the emotion underneath these statements in your mind. Particularly ‘I,’ ‘Me,’ ‘Mine’ statements will have this emotion under the surface. Notice them, acknowledge what your mind is trying to do, and recognize what is truly best for you.

This is a very important takeaway as if we let these ego based statements our mind creates control us then it is what we will become. 

Sources: https://academic.oup.com/edrv/article/18/5/646/2530771

Perfectionism

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Perfectionism

Perfectionism, Procrastination and how to overcome it.

Procrastination

Procrastination is often a symptom of perfectionism. You can’t begin your task unless you know it will be perfect. You want an idea or plan of the task that will be perfect, an impossible goal which leads to inaction. Procrastination in this case comes from the desire for perfection.

Often, with people in this situation, the only thing that leads to action is external pressure. This could be deadlines, pressure to pay bills, or pressure from bosses or teachers. Panic or fear is the motivating feeling that overcomes procrastination in this situation. This is a difficult way to function, ironically leading to results far from perfect.

Often with people in this situation, the only thing that leads to action is external pressure. This could be deadlines, pressure to pay bills, or pressure from bosses or teachers. Panic or fear is the motivating feeling that overcomes procrastination in this situation. This is a difficult way to function, ironically leading to results far from perfect.

 

Performance equals Value

Perfectionism, in some cases, comes from an internal feeling that performance correlates with our value as a person.

It stems from experiences where your feelings and general situation seem to improve correlating with your performance. This could come from peers, parents, teachers, or a number of external sources.

If how peers treated you was based on your performance, then you have a desire to be perfect every time as you’ve equated it to your value as a person. If you see people are kind and smiling when you perform well but are neutral if you perform just okay, then you correlate how you’re treated and your worth to performance.

This is one possibility for the cause of perfectionism.

Striving for control

Another cause could be the feelings and results associated with imperfect outcomes. When something happens in a way that is not exactly how you want or imagined it, the way you feel and respond is too painful for anything other than perfection.

Examples of this include rejection or failure. You could have asked someone out or created a business proposition, and the rejection hurt so much that you develop the idea to achieve perfection from here on so that you never have to experience that pain. It could also be feelings of jealousy or envy when you see someone else doing better than you.

The idea is that if you can come up with the perfect strategy, you can achieve the desired result and have control over it. You attempt to protect yourself from the hurt and negative emotions associated with anything other than perfection.

This can cause procrastination by evoking those feelings whenever you get started on a task. You start, and it’s not perfect, so you experience the fear of those possibilities and feelings of jealousy, rejection, etc., and procrastinate instead.

Overcoming Procrastination

When you start to get the feeling of procrastination, you will most likely respond in two ways. One is pushing through it anyway and being unsatisfied and unhappy with your imperfect results. The second is not doing the work, procrastinating, and then being unhappy and unsatisfied that you did nothing at all.

In both these situations, rather than tackling procrastination, you are acting based on your negative feelings of guilt, unhappiness, inadequacy, etc. This leads to a dependency on negative feelings to overcome procrastination. Neither outcome is desirable and leads to more negative feelings.

Instead of avoiding the work or forcing yourself to do it when procrastination arises, just sit with it. Sit with the feeling, but don’t force either of the two outcomes.

When you notice these negative feelings arise, of frustration or fear, just sit with them and move away from them rather than acting on them. Try this for just 5 minutes. You will notice your mind will try to convince you that you’re wasting time and not being productive, but avoid acting on this and just sit and be still.

By doing this, you are training your mind not to be controlled by the negative emotions associated with perfectionism and procrastination. Instead, you are learning to tolerate these emotions and watch them without acting on them.

Regarding the second cause of perfectionism, it is important to acknowledge that your task is to do the work or task in front of you, not to focus on the conditions afterwards of how people receive it and react to it. Your job is only to complete the task, not to make people happy or control their reactions afterwards. Try your best to separate you doing your task from the reactions that come as a result of it

 

How to focus

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How to focus

How to use boredom to increase your attention span

What is focus?

When your mind is focused your senses are all set on one purpose. Whether its reading, studying, watching tv, playing video games. Your focus is linear. When you become distracted your focus is no longer linear and your senses are engaged elsewhere whether it’s a noise, sight, smell etc. 

 

Why you can't focus

With modern technology when a distraction arises we have an abundance of resources that are designed to satisfy our focus and are suited to short attention spans.

Long-form focus on things such as books or studying doesn’t seem to compare to the short-form engaging content of TikTok or Netflix.

Modern Technology and applications are specifically designed to gain your attention for extended periods of time.

If you got distracted reading a book 50 years ago it is likely your mind would come back to the linear focus of reading after a short period of distraction.

Today technology capitalises on those few moments of distraction and will satisfy your mind’s desire for focus with content tailored to you. 

Algorithms are designed to cater towards your specific interests and keep you focused for hours on end. On Tiktok or Youtube your page will have videos specifically for you and when you finish one there’s another recommended based on your taste.

When you fall into this trap it’s easy to lose hours without productivity. Teams are paid millions to create these algorithms to capture your attention for long periods of time, try not to attribute this happening to laziness or part of your identity.  

How to fix your attention span

As soon as we enter a state of distraction or boredom we engage in an activity that grants easy focus such as our smartphones, Netflix, or video games etc. 

Usually what we try to do is the activity we were meant to be doing in the first place such as studying or reading instead of getting distracted. 

When studying and our mind becomes distracted we will try to “be disciplined” and remain studying which often leads to eventual failure and giving in to our desires e.g. picking up your phone etc.

Instead, when we become distracted and our mind drifts, sit with the boredom. Don’t force yourself to study or work but avoid picking up your phone or going onto Youtube etc.

If you sit with boredom your mind will have thoughts about many irrelevant or random things and eventually come back to studying naturally as it desires to focus.

Due to technology, our mind has become very bad at tolerating boredom however if you learn this skill it will prove very useful in improving focus. When you get the urge to listen to music, pick up your phone, listen to a podcast etc. Try instead to tolerate being bored.

As soon as you pick up your phone those algorithms are almost certainly going to trap you for longer than you anticipated.

The goal is to not pick up the phone in the first place just sit with the boredom. This will be very difficult as our brains are now conditioned to never be bored but it is easier than forcing ourselves to engage in work or studying.

Conclusion

You can learn to tolerate boredom in everyday practice, whether it’s going for a walk without music or a podcast or even just sitting and not giving yourself anything to take your attention. Just try not to pick up the phone. You don’t need to force yourself to work just avoid the distraction and be bored.

If you can learn to tolerate boredom you can become in control of your focus and no longer be dictated by external technologies and distractions.

How to break bad habits

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How to break bad habits

How to break bad habits without willpower

What is a habit?

A habit is an automatic behaviour that is not conscious but instinct. You barely think about what you are doing when engaging in a habit as it is mostly impulse. Habits even operate in a different part of the brain than conscious activities. 

Why you can't break habits

Most people will try to use willpower to correct bad habits. While this may work for a short period, eventually, that urge to pick up your phone or whatever bad habit it may be stays with you and eventually your willpower gives in. This is not a failure on your part, but naturally how your brain works. It is very difficult to overcome bad habits using willpower alone. You may even see other people succeeding and attribute the failure to your lack of discipline or generally “being worse” than other people. This is not the case.

 

How habits form

A habit forms when you engage in a pleasurable behaviour and dopamine is released reinforcing the action. When a habit is new it is governed by dopamine and is pleasurable however over time it becomes governed by a different habitual circuitry and no longer dopamine. This is why when these activities eventually become habits you often experience less pleasure from them. The same logic applies to the negative feeling that is subdued when you form a good habit.

How to break the habit

An alternative method to overcoming bad habits is to become more aware of your habits. Instead of the habits being automatic you consciously engage in the action and feel your 5 senses while doing it. 

For example, if your bad habit is vaping or eating unhealthy food it becomes almost unconscious. By consciously acting on your habit it engages a different part of your brain (Frontal lobe) and you no longer use the habit circuitry to engage in the action.

When you sense the urge or desire for a bad habit act on it willfully and focus on the senses of smell, taste, feel etc making sure to remain engaged and not distant from the action. Also, focus on the feeling of the craving or the desire for whatever the bad habit is. 

This is a very good way to start to break down a bad habit as you are not relying on willpower to avoid it but changing it from a habit to just action. Eventually over time it will become so much less of a habit that you can easily break it with a small amount of willpower.

Often with addictions, people will have a lack of awareness when it comes to their internal emotional state. They sometimes feel as if a relapse came out of nowhere but there is usually a sequence of events leading up to it that they just fail to recognise. This is why mindfulness is also effective for addictions as it raises awareness.

Every time you do something with awareness you are strengthening the power you have over a habit by shifting it from your habit circuitry. If you feel you are failing or an urge is too strong to resist, engage in the habit with as much absolute awareness as possible. Awareness is key, even if you fall back try your best to be aware and you are still moving in the right direction.

Comfort Zone

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Comfort zone

How breaking out of your comfort zone can change your life for the better.

What is the Comfort Zone?

Everything you are capable of doing falls into two categories. Inside the comfort zone and outside of the comfort zone. Things that are inside the comfort zone are easy for you to do and typically comfortable. There is little mental resistance and it’s something that comes almost naturally. 

An example of something inside the comfort zone could be driving it comes naturally and doesn’t take much resistance to perform. On the contrary, running is typically outside of people’s comfort zones and has a lot of mental resistance. It is seen as strenuous and tiresome. However running is good for you, it can increase mental energy, physical energy and optimism. Driving on the other hand provides none of these benefits. This is an example that shows just because something is inside the comfort zone does not mean it is the best option. Activities positions in the comfort zone do not correlate with the overall value of an activity.

All the comfort zone does is try to keep you sticking to the things inside of it. The less you perform activities bordering or outside of your comfort zone the smaller it will become. 

Why leave the Comfort Zone?

Expanding and venturing outside of your comfort zone will reap many rewards. You will become a much more resilient person gaining self-confidence and assurance of your character. There are not only mental rewards but you will often find the activities you take part in while expanding your comfort zone you may be passionate about. You could also find through these activities you make relationships with new people that you previously wouldn’t have.

How to escape the Comfort Zone

A sense of direction such as a target or a goal can prove useful in expanding your comfort zone. It gives you a clear reason to expand it and acts as a motivating fuel. 

Moving towards fear rather than away from it can drastically expand your comfort zone. When you acknowledge a sense of fear or anxiety in a situation try stepping into it and noticing that you are okay. You will feel an overwhelming sense of achievement after doing this as well as making you feel more confident to do so next time.

Learn to be okay with discomfort. Acknowledge that you are okay when faced with a tough situation sit with your emotions and see where they come from but realise that you are okay and can move forwards. This is very important because the only way to expand your comfort zone and to become confident is to know that you are okay and act in the face of uncertainty. 

Make a point of trying new things. It can be as simple as reading a book or you could start a new hobby. You don’t have to stick to these things if you don’t enjoy them. The main objective is to try something new and put you into an unfamiliar situation where you can expand your experiences and therefore comfort zone.

Confidence is not gained when things go the way they are meant to. It’s gained when things go wrong and you realise that you are okay.

 

Mindset

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Mindset

How you’re mindset can bring you material and mental success.

Growth vs Fixed Mindset

Your mindset in the current moment can change the results down the line drastically. Throughout history, the innovators that achieved great things all had a growth mindset in common. Examples of these people are Einstein, Thomas Edison, Elon Musk and likely any successful person you can think of. A fixed mindset will keep you in the same place ruminating. A growth mindset will propel you in any direction you want to go.

Differences in mindset:

  • A growth mindset will look to overcome and embrace a challenge when encountering one. 
  • A fixed mindset will look for a way out or avoid this challenge.
  • When encountering a setback someone with a growth mindset will collect themselves and persist.
  • Someone with a fixed mindset may give up or see it as a failure when experiencing a setback.
  • When working someone with a growth mindset will focus on the quality of work and effort put in understanding results will come in time.
  • Someone with a fixed mindset may put minimal effort into seeing work as fruitless as it does not provide immediate results.
  • Criticism will be taken for what it is and learnt from if there is any value in a growth mindset.
  • Criticism may be seen as offensive and be ignored with a fixed mindset.
  • A growth mindset will find inspiration in the success of others and use it to motivate them.
  • A fixed mindset might feel threatened and envy the success of others.
These are ways you can work towards a growth mindset. When these situations arise focus on the growth mindset option. No one moves up in the world from natural ability and without setbacks. The people who succeed persist in the face of these setbacks and take every experience as a chance to learn.

How to change mindset

Initially, it’s understood that this mindset won’t come naturally and will take time to develop. You must make a point of noticing whenever you are having “fixed mindset” thoughts and remind yourself of the alternative. In so many situations this can prove useful when you feel like giving up or that you’re not in control. It is persistence and growth that is key, not innate skill or external factors, as much as it may seem like it. Just like persistence is key in those areas the same is key when changing your mindset, persist in correcting your fixed mindset thoughts with growth ones.

The image below shows the brain activity between the two mindsets in a study. The orange colour represents brain activity. When faced with a task the growth mindset displays much more activity and attention to error. This is scientific proof that one mindset is productive and works towards an obstacle while one disengages completely.

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Self-Acceptance and changing

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Self-Acceptance

When to change and when to accept who you are

Accepting vs Changing

Acceptance does not mean that you should not change or that you are perfect how you are. Acceptance is the first step of change. If an alcoholic wants to recover the first step is accepting they are an alcoholic. Likewise, if you are obese acceptance does not mean to accept that you are obese and not change, saying that “it is who you are”. We are ever-changing and constantly improving. 

Accepting the Past

The most important part of self-acceptance is accepting the past. The version of you today is not the same person who made mistakes in the past. If you failed in school a year ago that is not the same you as now. You shouldn’t blame yourself for being fat because of what you did in the past but acknowledge you didn’t know what you know now. You now have the opportunity in the present to accept who you are and improve yourself. Mistakes are going to be made constantly throughout life you can not grow without them. You are not born knowing everything so that you can avoid mistakes you are born to make mistakes and learn from them bettering the future you not holding on to the old version of you who made those mistakes.

This is an important aspect of self-compassion. Understand that you didn’t know any better in the past but now you do and that is part of life, to grow. Accept that you made a mistake and learn from it, change. You weren’t perfect then, mistakes were unavoidable and just as you weren’t perfect then you aren’t perfect now. 

Changing

Every version of your past, present and future is going to have faults and mistakes will be made. There is no perfect human being. However, when you encounter these faults and mistakes you have the opportunity to change and fix them. Grow to become a better, healthier and happier person. You don’t need to beat yourself up over them but acknowledge you now have a clear opportunity to learn and grow.  This goes with growth mindset you have to notice that a obstacle is not a failure but a chance to understand through experience and learn.

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Anxiety

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Anxiety

What is anxiety and how can you overcome it.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a mental tool designed to predict future danger and warn us about it. The ideal use of anxiety would be to anticipate danger in the future and take corrective actions now to prevent it. However, it often gets out of control and causes the negative anxiety most of us are familiar with.

Anxiety often focuses on you and typically an insecurity you have. You may not have confidence in yourself as a person or certain aspects of yourself. This may be socially or achievement-based e.g social anxiety or anxiety over a test based on your ability.

Anxiety focuses on the future sometimes it may seem that it is based on something that previously happened. E.g if you did something embarrassing the previous day you may be feeling anxious but this is over the consequences that could evolve in the future. We are not anxious over the past.

 

How we respond to anxiety

When we experience anxiety we try to remove the uncertainty of the future that the anxiety is about. eg a coping method for social anxiety over a party may be to not go to the party at all. This removes all uncertainty and returns control back to you. This may seem like a good thing but it restricts the amount of things you can do as many of the positive things in life aren’t in your complete control.

Solution

As anxiety is based on future events a way of combating it is to bring the mind to the present. This could be through meditation particularly an ego or focus meditation. An example of this could be when you have a hot shower, bath or any other immersive activity you will notice that you won’t be thinking about other things except the present. This makes our anxiety melt away as we are so concentrated on the moment. However, things such as substances are not good options for focusing on the moment and removing anxiety. It is also important to try immersing yourself in the activity that you are anxious about. An example of this is stage fright, often peoples “fear” dissipates when they are actually on stage as they are immersed in the activity. To summarise if we can train our mind to be in the present it is a place where anxiety can not exist.

Anxiety comes from insecurity. When you cross the road you are faced with the uncertainty and possibility of being hit by a car. However, you most likely do this without thinking. You don’t know what could happen but you have confidence in yourself to face this uncertainty. 

A way to work on anxiety is to focus on the insecurities that the anxiety is rooted in and solve them. Confidence comes from acting in the face of uncertainty. Therefore every time you back down or avoid certain situations due to anxiety you are sacrificing the opportunity to build confidence while also giving more power to your anxiety. This means that the control we often seek when trying to “solve” anxiety is reducing our confidence, the key tool in battling anxiety, therefore, making it worse.