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Fundraising For Cambodia

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Fundraising for Cambodia

What we are doing

At HeadGym we are currently raising funds to provide comprehensive mental health training to Teachers and Children in some of Cambodia’s most underprivileged regions. With your help, we hope to make a lasting impact on children’s lives for years to come.

Why it's important we help

Some of the issues affecting these regions include HIV, Trafficking, Abuse, Abandonment, malnutrition and more. There is also no development in mental health to help tackle these problems as there are not yet words for things like anxiety or depression. Without the understanding and resources they need these problems can affect children throughout their adult lives unless addressed. 

These mental health issues negatively impact many aspects of life such as academia, career, behaviour, social interactions, and general well-being. All of this also leads to a vicious poverty trap and therefore repeats the cycle for future generations.

Our Plan

This is where we want to make a difference. We strongly believe this cycle can be broken and with the right resources and understanding these children can flourish, overcoming current mental health issues and excel current expectations.

We plan to equip 400 Teachers, that work with over 10,000 children, with the right understanding, skills and resources to give every child the best help possible. 

This will include early intervention strategies, a growth mindset, solution-focused approaches, safe inclusive classrooms, and a in-depth understanding of mental health.

Not only will the issue of mental health be tackled, but in turn the chances of escaping poverty will be drastically increased as they will now be equipped with the resources and mindset to defy the odds and tackle problems they previously could not.

Where the money is spent

The money raised will be used for materials, workshops, translators, and other resources. We hope with your help we can make a difference in the quality of these children’s lives and their futures too.

Donate Here

How to focus

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How to focus

How to use boredom to increase your attention span

What is focus?

When your mind is focused your senses are all set on one purpose. Whether its reading, studying, watching tv, playing video games. Your focus is linear. When you become distracted your focus is no longer linear and your senses are engaged elsewhere whether it’s a noise, sight, smell etc. 

 

Why you can't focus

With modern technology when a distraction arises we have an abundance of resources that are designed to satisfy our focus and are suited to short attention spans.

Long-form focus on things such as books or studying doesn’t seem to compare to the short-form engaging content of TikTok or Netflix.

Modern Technology and applications are specifically designed to gain your attention for extended periods of time.

If you got distracted reading a book 50 years ago it is likely your mind would come back to the linear focus of reading after a short period of distraction.

Today technology capitalises on those few moments of distraction and will satisfy your mind’s desire for focus with content tailored to you. 

Algorithms are designed to cater towards your specific interests and keep you focused for hours on end. On Tiktok or Youtube your page will have videos specifically for you and when you finish one there’s another recommended based on your taste.

When you fall into this trap it’s easy to lose hours without productivity. Teams are paid millions to create these algorithms to capture your attention for long periods of time, try not to attribute this happening to laziness or part of your identity.  

How to fix your attention span

As soon as we enter a state of distraction or boredom we engage in an activity that grants easy focus such as our smartphones, Netflix, or video games etc. 

Usually what we try to do is the activity we were meant to be doing in the first place such as studying or reading instead of getting distracted. 

When studying and our mind becomes distracted we will try to “be disciplined” and remain studying which often leads to eventual failure and giving in to our desires e.g. picking up your phone etc.

Instead, when we become distracted and our mind drifts, sit with the boredom. Don’t force yourself to study or work but avoid picking up your phone or going onto Youtube etc.

If you sit with boredom your mind will have thoughts about many irrelevant or random things and eventually come back to studying naturally as it desires to focus.

Due to technology, our mind has become very bad at tolerating boredom however if you learn this skill it will prove very useful in improving focus. When you get the urge to listen to music, pick up your phone, listen to a podcast etc. Try instead to tolerate being bored.

As soon as you pick up your phone those algorithms are almost certainly going to trap you for longer than you anticipated.

The goal is to not pick up the phone in the first place just sit with the boredom. This will be very difficult as our brains are now conditioned to never be bored but it is easier than forcing ourselves to engage in work or studying.

Conclusion

You can learn to tolerate boredom in everyday practice, whether it’s going for a walk without music or a podcast or even just sitting and not giving yourself anything to take your attention. Just try not to pick up the phone. You don’t need to force yourself to work just avoid the distraction and be bored.

If you can learn to tolerate boredom you can become in control of your focus and no longer be dictated by external technologies and distractions.

How to break bad habits

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How to break bad habits

How to break bad habits without willpower

What is a habit?

A habit is an automatic behaviour that is not conscious but instinct. You barely think about what you are doing when engaging in a habit as it is mostly impulse. Habits even operate in a different part of the brain than conscious activities. 

Why you can't break habits

Most people will try to use willpower to correct bad habits. While this may work for a short period, eventually, that urge to pick up your phone or whatever bad habit it may be stays with you and eventually your willpower gives in. This is not a failure on your part, but naturally how your brain works. It is very difficult to overcome bad habits using willpower alone. You may even see other people succeeding and attribute the failure to your lack of discipline or generally “being worse” than other people. This is not the case.

 

How habits form

A habit forms when you engage in a pleasurable behaviour and dopamine is released reinforcing the action. When a habit is new it is governed by dopamine and is pleasurable however over time it becomes governed by a different habitual circuitry and no longer dopamine. This is why when these activities eventually become habits you often experience less pleasure from them. The same logic applies to the negative feeling that is subdued when you form a good habit.

How to break the habit

An alternative method to overcoming bad habits is to become more aware of your habits. Instead of the habits being automatic you consciously engage in the action and feel your 5 senses while doing it. 

For example, if your bad habit is vaping or eating unhealthy food it becomes almost unconscious. By consciously acting on your habit it engages a different part of your brain (Frontal lobe) and you no longer use the habit circuitry to engage in the action.

When you sense the urge or desire for a bad habit act on it willfully and focus on the senses of smell, taste, feel etc making sure to remain engaged and not distant from the action. Also, focus on the feeling of the craving or the desire for whatever the bad habit is. 

This is a very good way to start to break down a bad habit as you are not relying on willpower to avoid it but changing it from a habit to just action. Eventually over time it will become so much less of a habit that you can easily break it with a small amount of willpower.

Often with addictions, people will have a lack of awareness when it comes to their internal emotional state. They sometimes feel as if a relapse came out of nowhere but there is usually a sequence of events leading up to it that they just fail to recognise. This is why mindfulness is also effective for addictions as it raises awareness.

Every time you do something with awareness you are strengthening the power you have over a habit by shifting it from your habit circuitry. If you feel you are failing or an urge is too strong to resist, engage in the habit with as much absolute awareness as possible. Awareness is key, even if you fall back try your best to be aware and you are still moving in the right direction.

Anxiety

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Anxiety

What is anxiety and how can you overcome it.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a mental tool designed to predict future danger and warn us about it. The ideal use of anxiety would be to anticipate danger in the future and take corrective actions now to prevent it. However, it often gets out of control and causes the negative anxiety most of us are familiar with.

Anxiety often focuses on you and typically an insecurity you have. You may not have confidence in yourself as a person or certain aspects of yourself. This may be socially or achievement-based e.g social anxiety or anxiety over a test based on your ability.

Anxiety focuses on the future sometimes it may seem that it is based on something that previously happened. E.g if you did something embarrassing the previous day you may be feeling anxious but this is over the consequences that could evolve in the future. We are not anxious over the past.

 

How we respond to anxiety

When we experience anxiety we try to remove the uncertainty of the future that the anxiety is about. eg a coping method for social anxiety over a party may be to not go to the party at all. This removes all uncertainty and returns control back to you. This may seem like a good thing but it restricts the amount of things you can do as many of the positive things in life aren’t in your complete control.

Solution

As anxiety is based on future events a way of combating it is to bring the mind to the present. This could be through meditation particularly an ego or focus meditation. An example of this could be when you have a hot shower, bath or any other immersive activity you will notice that you won’t be thinking about other things except the present. This makes our anxiety melt away as we are so concentrated on the moment. However, things such as substances are not good options for focusing on the moment and removing anxiety. It is also important to try immersing yourself in the activity that you are anxious about. An example of this is stage fright, often peoples “fear” dissipates when they are actually on stage as they are immersed in the activity. To summarise if we can train our mind to be in the present it is a place where anxiety can not exist.

Anxiety comes from insecurity. When you cross the road you are faced with the uncertainty and possibility of being hit by a car. However, you most likely do this without thinking. You don’t know what could happen but you have confidence in yourself to face this uncertainty. 

A way to work on anxiety is to focus on the insecurities that the anxiety is rooted in and solve them. Confidence comes from acting in the face of uncertainty. Therefore every time you back down or avoid certain situations due to anxiety you are sacrificing the opportunity to build confidence while also giving more power to your anxiety. This means that the control we often seek when trying to “solve” anxiety is reducing our confidence, the key tool in battling anxiety, therefore, making it worse. 

 

The Mask and Loneliness

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Your mask and Loneliness

What is your mask and how is it making you lonely.

What is a mask?

The mask is a metaphor for a social persona we put on around other people to win favour at expense of our true character being revealed. It could be adopting behaviours that don’t come naturally or feel authentic to increase likeableness with other people.

If you are around people and you feel lonely, it is because the part of you that connects to them it’s not the real you, it’s the mask that you put on. It is very difficult to feel connected to people when all you show is a piece of who you are. 

We adopt this system of using a mask at some point in our lives when we lack confidence in ourselves as a person. Somewhere through your life, you have found that when you are completely transparent with your character it’s not as good for you socially as using this “mask”. Often people find when they use this mask things get better socially however it is not your true character and can cause a disconnection with people along with many other negative aspects. It seems easier to be what people like rather than yourself where fewer people may like you. The more successful this mask is the more emotionally isolated you become. The mask seems like it is combatting loneliness because it may increase the number of interactions with people however they are often void from emotional connections. 

 

How to combat the mask

The first step is to acknowledge there is a part of you that you are afraid of people seeing. It may be hard but it is good practice to show this part of you to some people possibly starting with people you trust. An authentic part of yourself that you would usually hide.

It will be difficult and you should recognise as you try this a part of your mind will rebel. As you take off your mask your mind will tell you things such as “people won’t like what they see” making it incredibly hard. However, you must acknowledge this is an incomplete picture and the bottled up insecurity speaking. There’s a difference between people just not liking you and you believing people don’t like you. The more you put on the mask the more this belief is reinforced as it seems like when you are not your real self people like you more.

You have to recognise that in being your authentic self you face the chance of rejection and that’s okay. Take off the mask bit by bit and you will find people won’t reject or dislike you the way your mind thinks. Security is not about being perfect it’s about being flawed and accepted anyway. A mistake often made is when people try to fix insecurity with perfection. e.g if you dress a certain way because you think it’s what “looks good” and no one calls you ugly this will feed the insecurity and make you think peoples acceptance of you is dependant on whether you dress this way.

 

Summary

You start by noticing the insecurity and lack of value, the part of yourself that you are terrified of people seeing. Then you step by step take this facade off. The more you do this and let people accept or reject your authentic self, the greater the chances are of people accepting you. It requires courage and difficulty. It is very important to recognise this thing that is seemingly protecting you is isolating you. These “solutions” via the mask are the problems themselves. The mask is a bid for control but true control is about choosing the choices within yourself not controlling the external outcomes. You cannot see something external that another person may say or do and attribute it to your sense of self.

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ME & MY COMFORT ZONE PART 2

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https://youtu.be/3i5XAsI543w

If you have read my previous posts on the comfort zone you will know I have been following the HeadGym process myself. I continued my journey and taking a step further I went to speak in Manchester. This was a new topic where I shared some of my personal experiences growing up, each time I step out of my comfort zone I make progress. I am using my comfort zone to work for me instead of limiting me it gets easier each time and feels great to be doing it.

USE YOUR COMFORT ZONE

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Comfort zone

Stepping out of your comfort zone is something that we can really use to make progress and overcome obstacles we may have had for years. We are all familiar with the fight, flight or freeze scenario, we may have physical feelings that accompany these situations. Hot sweats, stomach churn, headache etc what I am going to suggest turns this situation on its head.

 

 

Fight Flight or Freeze

When you get the feeling of FFF take note this is your mind/body telling you that there is an opportunity to make progress. Stop for a minute and think is there any danger? Are there any sabre tooth tigers about? 99.9% we are safe, and this is an opportunity. It will feel uncomfortable for a short while but once you have stepped out and Identify what is it that you want to pursue set your goals using the |HeadGym goals path, you can then use those goals to drive you and be inspired by what you want. It will be a lot easier to push yourself outside of your current comfort zone if you have set targets rather than pushing against fear for the sake of it.

 

  1. Move toward your fear.

If you feel fearful about something, then feel the fear and do it anyway. Your fear represents the things that lie outside of your comfort zone. Stepping into the emotion of fear you are literally expanding your comfort zone and therefore your progress.

  1. Do things you wouldn’t normally do every little thing you do that is different from your usual routine is a step outside of your comfort zone. Do small things first remember step by step is the way forward Take a different route to work. Try a different meal from your usual. Speak to somebody whom you normally would not talk to, all the small things add up.
  2. Accept the discomfort. Learn to be okay with being uncomfortable to accept the uncomfortable. Whenever you feel uncomfortable know it’s a good thing because it means that progress is available don’t resist that feeling of discomfort embrace it.
  3. Do new things. Make a point to do something new every week. It can be as simple as reading a new book, trying a new recipe, speaking to somebody new to be open to doing different things, if they fall within your personal agenda and are not life-threatening.
  4. Take the challenge Life is supposed to be challenging. There will be ups and there will be downs which are sometimes unavoidable or even self-imposed. These moments may not feel good, but they do help you to grow and make progress. Once you are through the challenge you will improve at what you do. Acceptance that life is meant to be a challenge is something to work on say “yes” more often.

RELATIONSHIPS

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It may be counterintuitive but the best place to start with improving relationships is to start with yourself that is why it is at number 1 on the list. Below are a few things you can do to help you on your way to making some positive changes.

  1. Be your best friend. Learning to love and accept yourself will create positive energy around you and you will feel happier all- around.
  2. Set relationship targets. Set yourself some relationship targets do this together, with your partner a friend, children or colleagues this way you are working towards the same end. This will help with clarity and communication which is often the problem or major obstacle in relationships.
  3. Put effort into your relationships People matter the most.
  4. See the good Give people the benefit of doubt make this a practice, you’ll be happier. You won’t question people as much or be so judgmental.
  5. Have family Discussions. Discuss with your family and as a family how things are going include everyone in this you can discuss personal goals, financial goals or anything else. It’s good to have time to catch up with each other.
  6. Connect. Stay connected to the people important to you, make an effort to stay in touch, even if you have to diarise to do it. Call one person you care about every day or arrange to meet those important to you on a regular basis. Over time, you’ll stay in touch with everyone.
  7. Don’t blame. Take ownership and take action. If you feel like your situation is someone else’s fault and constantly look to blame others, you’ll never change it.
  8. Disagree productively. Arguing or disagreements are part of any healthy relationship. Learn how to do it constructively and respectfully. No name calling, screaming or shouting.
  9. Say sorry and mean it. Don’t use “ifs” or slip into blaming in your apologies own your apology and take responsibility for your actions.
  10. Don’t put anyone down. This is one of the worst things you can do. It’s disrespectful and harms any relationship especially if it is done in public.
  11. Stop negative thoughts about other people when you begin to think about them. This practice can become a habit, and when it does, you’ll get out of a negative mindset. You’ll be happier and less judgmental, too.
  12. Spend quality time with your kids. They need your time.
  13. Prioritise your family. Any regrets at the end life will not be about work or money they will be about people make them your priority.
  14. Don’t try For all of the above trying is not enough you have to do, make a decision and take action eliminate to try from your vocabulary.