The importance of Self-reflection and values
A look into the benefits of Self-reflection and our internal values.
Who are you?
Unfortunately, in today’s world, it is not uncommon to live on autopilot. We are so absorbed in the external world that we rarely look within.
This is not just referring to where we place our attention but also the self we present to the outside world. Think about when you are alone, do you act and present yourself the same as when you are socialising? We each present a self different to who we feel at the core with different values and desires. Sometimes this becomes blurred especially when we neglect our deep internal values and desires.
Our lives can become driven by societal expectations or values that we often take on unconsciously, mistaking them for our own, later to find they bring no fulfilment. This is not to say one is right or wrong or holds no value but the goal is to be who you are wholly. The goal is not perfection but to become your whole true self.
How do my values affect me?
Values affect so many aspects of our lives and most of the time we don’t even realise it. For example, if we value security in life any room we go in we are likely to know where each door or exit is without intention.
This is not because of a conscious decision but a learned value or belief paired with emotion, often repressed, that subconsciously affects almost every action in some way. There may be many actions that you took seemingly instinctively that are rooted in a subconscious value or belief.
How do I Self-reflect?
Internal work is by no means easy and for many it’s preferable to never face it at all. It requires immense courage and a willingness to not conform. Only you can understand yourself so it is a journey that is completely alone. Many people avoid this journey and adopt societal values as their own often leading to events such as a “mid-life crisis”.
“Conformity is the great destroyer of selfhood — in our society in which fitting the “pattern” tends to be accepted as the norm, and being “well liked” is the alleged ticket to salvation—what needs to be emphasized is not only the admitted fact that we are to some extent created by each other but also our capacity to experience, and create, ourselves.” – Rollo May, Man’s Search for Himself
As this journey is unique to each individual there is no set of instructions that can be followed. However, there are many insights that may prove useful throughout the everlasting process.
First of all you must be willing to accept, understand, and feel anything previously rejected. Many people in todays society, more commonly men, are unwilling to face pain, sorrow, sadness etc. We go to great lengths in order to avoid acknowledging or facing these things. Rejecting or ignoring these emotions or deep feelings does not make them disappear. Instead they go to lie with everything else in the subconscious manifesting in forms of anxiety, addiction, depression, negative behaviour etc. Although it may not seem it facing these emotions is the solution and accepting them will prove immensely constructive in self-development.
”Embrace your grief for there, your soul will grow” – Carl Jung
Some emotions may be so deeply buried that you are completely unaware of them altogether. In this case you can learn to discover them through meditation, therapy, journaling etc. This can also be done by paying attention to yourself in daily life and reflecting. When you lash out or get annoyed at someone, is the emotion evoked seemingly without your conscious effort triggering some kind of subconscious insecurity? It may be just but there may be a deeper possible cause.
It is important to accept and understand these subconscious beliefs and emotions and there are healthy ways of bringing them into reality or expressing them. This can include all sorts of creative work such as painting, writing, music, and so on. By doing this we enrich our lives making the unconscious previously repressed parts of ourselves conscious and ourselves “whole”.
Whether we like it or not we have the subconscious as a constant inner companion and anyone who can take the time to look within and give some attention to it will see profound results.