Your mask and Loneliness
What is your mask and how is it making you lonely.
What is a mask?
The mask is a metaphor for a social persona we put on around other people to win favour at expense of our true character being revealed. It could be adopting behaviours that don’t come naturally or feel authentic to increase likeableness with other people.
If you are around people and you feel lonely, it is because the part of you that connects to them it’s not the real you, it’s the mask that you put on. It is very difficult to feel connected to people when all you show is a piece of who you are.
We adopt this system of using a mask at some point in our lives when we lack confidence in ourselves as a person. Somewhere through your life, you have found that when you are completely transparent with your character it’s not as good for you socially as using this “mask”. Often people find when they use this mask things get better socially however it is not your true character and can cause a disconnection with people along with many other negative aspects. It seems easier to be what people like rather than yourself where fewer people may like you. The more successful this mask is the more emotionally isolated you become. The mask seems like it is combatting loneliness because it may increase the number of interactions with people however they are often void from emotional connections.
How to combat the mask
The first step is to acknowledge there is a part of you that you are afraid of people seeing. It may be hard but it is good practice to show this part of you to some people possibly starting with people you trust. An authentic part of yourself that you would usually hide.
It will be difficult and you should recognise as you try this a part of your mind will rebel. As you take off your mask your mind will tell you things such as “people won’t like what they see” making it incredibly hard. However, you must acknowledge this is an incomplete picture and the bottled up insecurity speaking. There’s a difference between people just not liking you and you believing people don’t like you. The more you put on the mask the more this belief is reinforced as it seems like when you are not your real self people like you more.
You have to recognise that in being your authentic self you face the chance of rejection and that’s okay. Take off the mask bit by bit and you will find people won’t reject or dislike you the way your mind thinks. Security is not about being perfect it’s about being flawed and accepted anyway. A mistake often made is when people try to fix insecurity with perfection. e.g if you dress a certain way because you think it’s what “looks good” and no one calls you ugly this will feed the insecurity and make you think peoples acceptance of you is dependant on whether you dress this way.
Summary
You start by noticing the insecurity and lack of value, the part of yourself that you are terrified of people seeing. Then you step by step take this facade off. The more you do this and let people accept or reject your authentic self, the greater the chances are of people accepting you. It requires courage and difficulty. It is very important to recognise this thing that is seemingly protecting you is isolating you. These “solutions” via the mask are the problems themselves. The mask is a bid for control but true control is about choosing the choices within yourself not controlling the external outcomes. You cannot see something external that another person may say or do and attribute it to your sense of self.
