Anger
Is it okay to be angry?
Emotions
With emotions such as sadness, fear, and anxiety, they are often sympathized with, and the reasons are recognized. When someone is afraid or sad, they even receive compassion and love. However, this isn’t the case with anger.
When someone is angry, the emotion is often demonized and sometimes seen as irrational. Some people, such as Sigmund Freud, believed that things such as depression are unprocessed anger that is redirected towards the self.
What is anger?
It is important to acknowledge that in society, anger is an emotion treated differently. There is often blame associated with anger.
If anger were purely negative and purposeless evolutionarily, it wouldn’t exist. Anger is a response to something. Emotions are a response to information, and anger is a response to some sort of hurt, whether physical or emotional.
How to deal with anger
If you pay attention, your anger has a source, and you should pay attention to where that is. Try not to follow the path of anger but recognize where the feeling is coming from. You may find you feel attacked, disrespected, or ignored.
In this case, many people would ignore or suppress the anger; however, it is important to avoid doing this also. If you do this, the cause is also ignored and therefore not worked on. The root cause will build up subconsciously while the anger is ignored.
So instead of building the anger up and exploding in rage or doing something drastic, slow down and listen to where the anger is coming from. You can assess the cause and response. For example, if you find that you feel you are being unfairly treated at work, there are a number of responses that don’t include suppressing it and manifesting that feeling or exploding in a fit of rage. You could instead listen to that feeling and accept it, then follow an appropriate response for it.
Anger generally causes problems when the cause is ignored and builds up into an often disproportionate displacement on other people or things. A lot of the hurt goes unrecognized and is manifested as anger.
So to deal with anger, start by asking yourself how you’ve been hurt. The solution is not to ignore or avoid feeling emotion but to understand them and control your reaction to them.
How to deal with anger in other people
To deal with other people’s anger, avoid reacting with fear. While ensuring your safety, you should make it clear that their anger response is inappropriate. Perhaps even showing slight compassion, let them know that their response is not okay. In this situation, avoid giving in to fear, your own anger, or submitting to their anger just to de-escalate or get out of the situation. This is important for boundary setting. The more boundaries that are crossed, the worse the anger and behavior will become.
There may be situations where boundaries can’t be set due to an unbalanced power dynamic. However, this boundary setting, along with explanation and understanding of people’s anger, can go further than you think.