Self-Esteem
How to develop a positive self esteem
What is Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is an internal value. When we internalise criticism or expectations and equate them with our value, our self-esteem becomes diminished. External outcomes start to determine our self-worth.
Often, when we experience outcomes, we instantly associate them with ourselves and our value. We attribute the outcome to be because of us.
For example, when someone gets rejected, think of how many conclusions they come to, and how they are all associated with the self.
The conclusions the mind comes up with are more often associated with the self/ego rather than objective conclusions. This leads to irrational conclusions that then become linked to our value and identity, therefore creating low self-esteem.
How to develop Self-Esteem
One way to develop self-esteem is ironically to cultivate it from other people. This means developing a circle of friends who treat you for who you are and your true value. Over time, by doing this, you begin to realize your self-worth through how they treat you.
To tackle low self-esteem internally, it is important to be more conscious about the way you judge yourself. Find where you came up with the standards for yourself and notice how different they are from the standards you set for other people.
Simply put, finding out what you believe about yourself at the core, identifying where it comes from, and then dismantling these negative beliefs is an extremely useful way to overcome low self-esteem. This can be done by journaling, meditating, or seeing a therapist.
Try to notice when you come to conclusions and associate things with yourself, then try to dismiss it or recognize the many other possibilities other than the one you attribute to your internal value.
This approach can also be applied to past situations where you have assumed something happened in a certain way because of you. For example, maybe you didn’t get rejected because “you are ugly, etc.,” but because that person was already in a relationship or a hundred other possibilities. Try not to blame yourself but recognize these things and work to develop a healthier perspective.
Summary
Recognise when there are external societal values and try not to associate them with identity. Do this for past situations and future ones working to avoid associating conclusions with your self-worth/identity.
Develop a circle of friends who treat you well for being you and not based on external vanity.
Try things such as journaling, meditation, therapy, etc., with the goal of finding and dismantling where negative conclusions about yourself come from.
Try not to associate everything with your ego (sense of self); it is not all about you, in a good way.